How well our own life and energy flows depends on the flow of connection we experienced with both our parents, and if we examine the issue more deeply our own parents ability to connect both with themselves and us has a great deal to do with how strongly they were connected with or disconnected from their own parents. As children we have very strong radars, we can feel a parent’s disconnection or suffering. There are often no words for this at first as according to Mark Wolynn
“early interuptions in general can be difficult to discern, because the brain is not equipped to retrieve our expriences in those first few years of life. The hippocampus, the part of the brain asssociated with forming, organizing, and storing memories, has not fully developed its connection to the prefrontal cortex (the part of that brain that helps us interpret our experiences) until some time after the age of two. As a result, the trauma of an early separation would be stored as fragments of physical sensations, images, and emotions, rather than as clear memories that can be pieced into a story. Without the story, the emotions and sensations can be difficult to understand.
If a parent was difficult to connect with it may also have been a result of some earlier trauma in their own life which affects them in unconscious ways. As we try to bond we may either feel we long to merge with their pain and heal it, we may feel the need to reject them due to feeling we were rejected, our bond may be interrupted with them or we may attempt to bond with someone else in the family system. According to Wolynn these are the four attempts we can make unconsciously to deal with the innate need we all have to connect, bond and attach to others and what happens to us as our attempts are frustrated does leave powerful imprints.
According to Mark Wolynn we can work with the broken connection and come to a deeper understanding of the four unconscious solutions we reached for to deal with disconnection. We can do this by using a visualisation to help us feel if we welcome a parent’s energy or shut it out. If we sense them as welcoming us. Sensing how we experience the energy of both mother and father differently. How relaxed or tight our body feels when visualising the flow of energy from them and to us, also by sensing how much of the flow of energy is getting through from them to us and vice versa in a percentage.
In the next post I will share a powerful visualisation that appears on page 70 of Mark’s book to work with your mother’s energy and her history. When I did it just a while ago I had such a powerful emotional reaction and release which filled me with the deepest compassion for and understanding of my mothers own pain. I truly felt it to be transformative.
On some level I always knew I had unconsciously merged with much of my mother’s past and present suffering, most especially after my father died. Taking on a parent’s pain in this way is not healthy as it reverses the order of life which is that the parent gives life to the child so they can grow and move forward in life and yet life is never perfect and so often full of all kinds of trauma disconnection, unconscious reactions and interruptions. I hope to be able soon to be able to live with this understanding without it affecting my life as deeply and constantly keeping me full of fear that when I spend time around my Mum I will be overpowered by her grief or suffering. I so long to feel free enough to move forward from past pain and trauma over what I didnt get so I can embrace a life that is full of true connection with others, no longer shadowed and dogged by past interruptions to the flow of both opening and and giving.