Father ; farther

Dad I never got to say goodbye

 I am sorry our last words were an argument

Father you were always farther away from me

And I struggled to understand

Could you really see, feel and hear the real me

So many times when I tried to tell you what I needed

You said no

So Dad now its so hard sometimes to trust

And to let myself have what I need

If you had lived today you would be 97

Now you are a ghostly presence

Who I will never truly say I can know

Lost to me I long for your holding and love

In all kinds of ways

So how can I resolve the need to be known and loved by a man?

Oh Dad how much I wish things were different

Somewhere deep inside I think I felt

All the things you hid

Under a cover of silence

But how will I ever know?

6 thoughts on “Father ; farther

  1. I was going to say the same as Rayne.

    I relate to this in many ways. It’s clear from what you write that your relationship or more accurately the absence of one, is different than the one I experienced with mine, but I can read in there some similarities too.

    I’m sorry you had less of a relationship with your father than you wanted and needed.

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