Yes, we have an epidemic of depression in our society today. But truthfully, how could anyone today on some level not be sad? The gap between how beautiful life can be and the way it too often is is heartbreaking. Anyone who is not on some level grieving the state of the world today is perhaps not looking very deeply.
We are depressed today because life is off. We’re depressed because too often we have no sense of our place in the universe, our relationship to the source of existence, a deeper sense of purpose in our relationships with other human beings, or any sense of reverence toward any aspect of life. Our entire civilisation is ruled more by fear than by love.
From Tears to Truimph
I am sharing this quote because so often in our society being depressed can be looked on as a moral failing or weakness but the deeper truth that I experience is that so often those who are depressed are those who can have a vision that is more closely in touch with the depths of a soul that suffered. Pathologising people for depression is such a serious issue and we need to change it.
Undergoing abuse or despair or loss or abandonment leaves real scars on the soul and these are trying to make their expression heard in depression, so we need to listen with empathy to people’s real heartbreak and support them with feeling and expressing it.
I know I go on about this issue a lot on my blog but I feel very strongly about it and today I was triggered again to write this as a family member shared with me a horrific abuse she went through which she shared with her parents only not to be believed years ago. I cannot share what it was on my blog as it is a private issue for her but I was so outraged when I heard what she had suffered and she has had a number of hospitalisations as a result. If she had been supported, believed and empathised with at the time and her trauma dealt with she would never have had to be diagnosed with a so called ‘mental illness’.
Turns out now certain teachers at her school are now trying to imply her son should be diagnosed with a speech impediment or with Asperger’s, she has also been told that he is ‘too caring’. What the fucking hell is happening in our society? Anyone who does not meet the mainstream, anyone who is sensitive or carrying certain different ways of being or processing information is then wacked with a diagnosis? It is just pure craziness and makes me feel ill, it really truly does.
I felt so angry with my brother yesterday after finding out what he put my niece through all of those years ago. I felt so ashamed that he is my brother but it now makes a lot of sense of how numbed out he is and apparently he has not one memory of his childhood. It makes clear to me that we can only have empathy if we are connected to our own emotional reality and have a connection to our heart, feelings, pain, joy and happiness. Of course we all live in separate skins and our experiences vary so often we cannot see things from another perspective, but to imply then that someone is lying or making something up, due to the fact it may rock our own view on things without making the effort to reach out and extend our minds and hearts in openness to me seems wrong.
This morning I have been thinking about what it comes to mean and how it affects us if we are not truly seen in childhood. I opened my Hope for Today reader and read this reading a few moments ago :
Before Al Anon I had a false sense of self. Because of their diseases my alcoholic father and mother who grew up in an alcoholic home couldn’t see themselves clearly. They weren’t able to help me either. As I grew up I sensed that my parents couldn’t see me at all. I felt invisible and voiceless I had no idea of my likes and dislikes, let alone what I would or would not accept in a relationship. I felt empty inside. When there did seem to be something inside me it felt like someone else’s experience.
The reading goes onto explain how slowly the person began to recover a sense of themselves by working through the steps of and learning about who they truly were inside. About how doing so enabled them to throw off the criticism of their father and the feeling they were given by their mother that they were nothing but a burden. By seeing themselves no longer through someone else’s eyes but through their own they slowly began to reclaim a sense of self.
It seems to me that the most important work of recovery lies in the inward journey of becoming more conscious of who we are and what we really feel independent of outside influence of what parents, education or society tries to tell us we are or should be. Keeping our focus on our own heart is so important, as is recognising the value and meaning of our instinctive reactions to things, lest we be hoodwinked or bamboozled by others who in being damaged themselves try to force us away from certain responses or reactions. The integrity of our soul when compromised in this way causes us so much confusion and unrest.
Luckily for my niece she understands her parents damage, not having essential needs met though has caused deep loneliness and suffering for her. Through out it all, over years she has learned to rely on herself, but that self reliance at times has left her so alone. Our lives have similar themes. Her own suffering has made her wise. Wise enough now not to take on the advice of psychologists recommending she have her son tested so to be diagnosed and labelled. In this increasingly insane society it seems to me we need to keep our wits about us lest we fall for much of the clap trap that is being espoused. We have to be strong and rely on the guidance of our deepest souls so as not to be bamboozled or led astray and if we were not seen and validated in childhood we need to address and heal that wound so that we no longer surrender ourselves to false outside definitions which keep us in locked in prison.