The hunger

This hunger I had for so many years was so huge

Because it came from such a young place

It was a hole that formed

a deep pit when my sister went away

more like a mother to me

she held me and spent time with me

when my mother never did

Later when her brain burst and she laid in a coma

The wine cask became my refuge

And my wounded hungry self then went on such a lonely journey

To find that missing love and fill the terrible deep wound

In sobriety I was told only a higher power could fill it

But how could that be true?

When I needed human recognition

And recognition too of the deepest pain of a severed bond

That left torn tendrils deep inside my gut that bled

That left me open and hungering in addiction

And seeking through thwarted connections

For what could not be healed in that way

Now I am older and a bit wiser

I see the path I trod

How painfully I learned to beat myself up

But also how a loving connection could help me

Both to recognise its roots and feel that pain

So that the empty hole could finally be filled

It was not only a higher power I needed

But a human connection

One that was real and true and validated my deep wounds

And in helping me to bear witness and grieve

Gave me back a home

In that place where once I only found

A deep abyss