I hope to get out

When I have these dark feelings coming up with images of the past, I lose my foothold of reality in this day and lose access to the love in the moment.   I don’t want to be possessed forever by the darkness or blackness for the sun is shining outside.  I can only share from where I am in the present moment and from that perspective of the day that I am in and today was so black and full of old grief.  But then within a silent part of me my deeper lively soul rebels, asking me to reach for good things, for sunshine and life outside of darkness and death.  I see that there could be a path forward but it needs to be in a way forward into a new day with new life and new people that don’t hold for me all the painful associations from my past.   I am wanting something else.

I don’t want to be around people numbing themselves with booze. I need to be where there is life, joy, vibrancy and I need to be connected not disconnected in the deep dark place inside me.  But maybe that place is left behind when after I let it possess me for a time the the uprising of another part of me calls out to me, a part that dares to hope that today can be better and far different from yesterday and can be a day in which I live in sunshine, fully awake and alive, free of ghosts of the past I now wish to be gone.

5 thoughts on “I hope to get out

  1. I was at a girlfriend’s home last night for dinner. I didn’t drink, as I haven’t all year, and she and others were asking why. I had a difficult time explaining it, but it’s exactly like you just wrote…I have a hard time being around people who are numbing themselves.

    I think after putting in all the work we’ve put in on ourselves, we’ve raised our vibration levels. And once you raise them, you really can’t tolerate spending too much time with people who numb theirs, you know?

    1. Yes I really wondered afterwards if I in fact picked up more of the undeground vibes beimg sober. I often come away from thise situations with a hangover of sorts…its taken me a day and a half to throw off the darkness…❤

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