Invalidation?

Just asking for some feedback here.  How to you feel when people say to you they ‘hope you find peace’ when you have just posted a blog on something you are working through?  The way I feel is that they have elevated themselves into a superior position.  I could be wrong, this could be coming our of oversensitivity or defensiveness.

I would not ever say to someone on a blog I hoped they could soon ‘find peace’ or ‘move on’.  I would rather allow them to work stuff through and trust they would feel more peaceful if they were affirmed or received, if that was meant to be.  That is just me and I would be interested to know other’s opinions.

8 thoughts on “Invalidation?

  1. In my mind that statement is sending a positive thought out to the Universe to support you in a successful resolution to whatever you are working through. It’s hard to see it that way when in the middle of it, but a capacity for del-reflection will lead to the ahhh moment once you reach the other side. And you will. I have faith.

    1. Yes, and I truly see that side of it and know it came from good intent. But I also feel that what is, is and faith is the attitude that says that things do change, that in time struggle and upset can turn to peace, release and happiness. Its just sometimes I think people feel the need to obliterate harsh truths and to just recognise and accept that struggle is part of the path at that time. It doesn’t always have to be turned to the ‘positive’ and the process can and needs to be respected more than one’s projected ideal hope of the end result.

  2. I’ve never said it myself though I will say something like ‘take care of yourself’ or ‘be gentle with yourself’, which comes from a good place where I want to send a comforting though or a kind of ‘virtual hug’ to let someone know I’m thinking of them and remind them to go easy on themselves. I wonder if hoping someone ‘finds peace’ is a similar thing, with someone using it more as a phrase coming from a good place with the best of intentions, simply to provide something positive to say in response to something that they can’t otherwise comment on adequately (ie. if they can’t share that experience as they haven’t been through it themselves). I get what you mean though, but for me I’ve found more throwaway and obviously condescending comments (“poor thing, chin up it’s not that bad” or going on to talk about what I should do to simply “get over” something) to be a means of people asserting superiority or making someone else feel better about themselves.x

    1. Yes I guess that was what I was getting at. Its difficult on the days we are not as much at peace. I am sure it was meant kindly by the person but something bristled in me. I try to examine my reactions as clearly as I can. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. x<3

  3. I agree. Many times I feel as though these comments come from a place of compassion but the individual does not have the words or vocabulary to express their sympathy. Usually, these individuals have not had serious loss in their lives before and so they do not understand the meaning or tone behind their words. As someone who has lost loved ones, I know those comments are unhelpful so I simlpy do not say them. I try to look at the person’s comment as an effort to try and comfort and I try to focus on that aspect rather than the fact that their comforting failed. When dealing with loss and death, each person responds differently and so being compassionate is the best way to respond.

  4. I say it frequently, with sincere intent. Not from a superior place, but as a person who has been in the lowest of the lows…as someone who knows what it feels like to struggle while longing for peace.

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