Sometimes when we feel hurt by another person, we begin to question whether they even loved us at all. I know that one, where you are in a relationship and that person ghosts on you. Then you begin to question whether all those months or years of happiness were entirely fabricated and only on your end.
Was your love even real? It was, I promise. The head of the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism… offered some advice on this topic. He said, ” I have observed a strange idea of love that many people seem to have : they see love as a kind of gift that has to be given back… But love doesn’t always have to be reciprocated. We can just love. If love doesn’t come back to you, it is still love that you give and that you feel.”
Even if your spouse leaves, it doesn’t mean the love is no longer there. The love remains. To play off the Karmapa’s analogy, if you gave someone a gift and they died, would the gift no longer exist? No, it would still be there sitting in their home, even if that person no longer owns it. The same can be said for our love. Just because the person we love is no longer there actively receiving and echoing back the love, it doesn’t mean the love itself dissolves.
When you feel rejected, hurt, and want to act out on that by seeking some form of revenge, please remember what the Karmapa said. We can just love. I don’t mean this in some hippie way; what I am saying is that we can just relax and touch whatever lingering feeling of love still exists underneath our layers of pain and hurt. Even though that person may no longer be with us, and that love we have is not being reciprocated, it doesn’t meant it didn’t exist before or that it doesn’t exist now. In this moment, instead of trying to find love outside of yourself, please just see if you can drop right below the surface of your pain and feel the love that still exists.
Extract from : When Love Hurts : Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken