Reflections on Loss : Grief = Love


Another post from two years ago.  Just some contemplations on grief and love and loss, possibly written in the aftermath of my sister’s death.

Loss may be the one great constant in our lives.  For some of us perhaps a more prevalent theme than for others.

Loss may be the generater of a deep soul search for sources of meaning beyond that which was lost and the lost thing becomes the catalyst for that journey.

To engage with loss deeply may be a painful right of passage that leads us to gratitude for that which we have not lost and yet take for granted on a daily basis.

Loss sharpens our awareness of the fragility and temporary nature of life, of its impermanence and so a powerful Buddhist practice is to contemplate both our own death and the death of others so that we may more fully live and love with an open heart.

Loss may bring grief which can only be generated by love, love for what is lost and what we valued so dearly.  So we should be saddened by a culture or person who can show no grief or who is barricaded against such grief, the capacity for love may thereby be diminished.

Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

Some may disagree but if it is true in that case better to have grieved well and deeply for such grief is a measure of the love that was felt and one should never feel ashamed to express it.

Having in the past been shamed for expressions of grief by people who I now see were limited in the capacity for depth of feeling and empathy it has been so healing lately to have been reminded of the connection between grief and love.  And to know that being human means having a wide range of feelings that others will find either acceptable or not acceptable.

When we exile the grieving person because we fear the darkness within we diminish our culture.  I once heard a wonderful lecture by an expert on grief.  It was while I was undergoing my own painful passage following the end of my marriage, it was shared with me by someone staying in the same retreat centre.  It spoke of a culture in which grief was recognised as the main issue for someone falling down drunk in the street, in this culture the person was taken in given food, comfort, understanding and love.  They were not shunned.

It is already difficult enough to be grieving, let us not compound that grief further by exiling the grieving person.  Let us give grief a place so that deep pain is not so deeply internalised and turned into a bitter poison that gives rise to further suffering.

5 thoughts on “Reflections on Loss : Grief = Love

  1. Such wise words! Thank you for writing this ❤️. It’s especially timely, as I have swung into a “Grief Season” of sorts, where the anniversaries of the passing away of many loved ones come in rapid-fire sequence. Reading this helped me brace myself a little stronger and brought me some peace and comfort ❤️
    Thanks again 😊
    ~The Silent Wave Blog writer/Laina 🌟🌟

      1. I completely know what you mean, dear one 💚. Please excuse me for neglecting to write out my condolences for your loss, my lovely 😢💐. It definitely ran through my mind! I just forget to type things out sometimes 😔. I guess I was so focused on conveying support, because grief can be extremely lonely, which can compound the sadness and pain 💜. But my heart aches for you a lot. The grieving process is never easy and it never really ends because like you said, it’s the love that we still feel for our loved ones and always will 💙. Sending you love and strength, and in advance, peace and comfort 💚. My arms are virtually around you in warm spectrum-friendly hug 💞💞

      2. Thank you. This was written after my sister died and its coming up for 3 years now. Its true the grief never fully leaves but I do feel that being able to release it makes the grief change from something heavy, at least for me. Hugs x0

      3. Absolutely, my friend ❤️

        “Energy (in this case, grief/pain) is never gained nor lost; it merely changes form”. I think your release does indeed change the weight (and maybe other attributes) of the grief. I think you’re spot on 🌺💚🌟

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