I hope the blogging community don’t get fed up with me. Making the offer on this townhouse has stretched me to the limit. I woke up to the fact I was pressured after the fact and then felt I had to do something to pull out. Like I shared I consulted a solicitor and its taking some time for him to get back to me which is fair enough. Meantime the agent has sent me an email thinking all is well. Do I want to make an offer for some other items of the seller. I feel I have already been very generous in my offer. I want this time to have my own things as last time I took somethings that quickly broke down and were just inconvenient for the seller’s to move. And its likely I am pulling out and I am wracked with guilt.
Meantime pottering around in my garden I quickly got overwhelmed by it all again. Wouldn’t you be better off in a more modern place that is newer? A sensible inner voice says to me. Urrgghh? I have visions of being buried under an old dinosaur though a close friend has offered to help me by coming up and working on the house, but it still feels like I am taking the harder way out. And winter is coming and this house is cold. These are the cold hard facts I have to remember when I get carried away by romantic notions of my place and yet last night when I finally new I had professional support I was relieved. I looked at my funky old kitchen and breathed a big sigh of contentment.
I guess its only natural I am going to second guess myself over this decision again and again. Deciding to break a contract with penalties is not easy. I don’t know yet how costly it will be. Part of me just thinks I am being a ninny not moving forward. I have to post all this in a blog just to get it out there. I don’t expect any answers from outside and I need to find a way to sit with anxiety I am currently feeling without getting spun out or reacting as that will only make things worse. I am terrified of making the wrong decision and really regretting not moving on. There is a lightness to the new place despite the things it doesn’t have. And maybe I am not seeing everything realistically.