Quandry and conundrum. These are two words that came to me in the midst of wrestling with a big decision I need to make this week. Do I go to the auction for the new town house that I have been looking at over the past 3 weeks and put my cap in the ring or do I hold onto the aging weatherboard house that has been the place where my soul has been incubating over the past 5 years.
The original idea to move came at the end of a long hot summer in which the garden sweltered under heat. Cracks appeared in the balcony. I have already spent a fair bit of money in getting the front facia replaced, having some painting done etc. But there are more repairs needed and its not the warmest house in winter. It does have an open fire place which means in winter I can partake in the lovely ritual of going to collect kindling by the lake or in other wild areas close to home and light the fire which is a spiritual experience for me. But that still is a lot of work on my own afterwards clearing it out to start again while getting dinner on.
I know the new place would be very different but is has a cosiness to it too which could be increased by my own creative stamp. Not as much wall space for all of my prints and paintings though and no lovely old mantle place on which to place my antique plates, little ceramic birds, collected pine cones, feathers and candle holders, no funky old kitchen with old cupboards but a cute little built in on which I have postcards and other bits and pieces assembled. No little sitting nook by the French doors where I sit and listen to music and books on CD.
When I start to think of all the things the new place doesn’t have though it misses out on what it will have, lower heating bills in winter, less general maintenance, a little wrap around garden that I can do creative things with and a smaller bedroom facing onto a wee courtyard. A cosy study that I could set up with shelves to house some of my trinkets. As you can probably see both places have good qualities and so I am finding it hard to choose.
This evening I will take my sister to have a look. On Saturday I will go to the auction and see how things play out. Its likely the bidding could go over my budget so then I would have the choice made for me. Its all in the lap of the Gods. When it comes to decisions at times I get very mixed around. This morning I was in a fair amount of agony over it. I try then to remember to let go, focus on something helpful and nurturing to get out of the way of my mind doing all its swings and roundabouts over which way to choose. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I really don’t find them easy!