I just spoke to my therapist to say I was in too much pain and had a water drama at home with a burst pipe so I wouldn’t be coming to today’s session. When I opened up about the pain of what went down with the prosthodontist yesterday her soft soothing empathy made my pain turn into tears of grief, of weariness and of gratitude too for being fully met. I felt connected, released, comforted soothed and held.
With my ex partner as I shared in the last post, if I was in pain what I got back was a huge blast and anger with lectures of how I should not be in pain. I think I know now my pain triggered his pain and he couldn’t connect to his own pain at at all so he could not connect to my pain and had to reject me. In that situation I felt separated from him, cast into a prison of aloneness and suffering too that at times was primal deep.
What this latest experience has made me realise it that we will know if and when we are met with empathy by how we feel around certain people. When we receive the harsh painful laser beam of nasty judgement from them we know we are not being empathised with and we are on dangerous ground. As sensitives we need those around who get us in that place of pain. The pain then lessens rather than amplifies.
It occurs to me that resistance actually turns pain into suffering and makes it worse. We need to meet our own pain with less resistance. In a way I have to resist the anger over what has happened with my teeth and find acceptance, and I am also going to get a second opinion just to confirm that what the dentist told me is right. Then I will have to have one tooth extracted and denture in place of the other three teeth with a crown on the fourth tooth. The other option is implants and I am just not up for that at the moment. Dental appointments bring up all my head trauma and today I have a terrible aftershock from the local anaesthetic they used on me which is stinging my lip and making me feel nauseous and bilious. It will be some weeks before I am well enough to even contemplate having more dental surgery though
Thank God that in my life now I do have empathetic people around me. The terror and horror of being with someone who abuses me more when my trauma plays up was hell on earth and I never want to live in that kind of hell again.