Dealing with a Narcissist is a minefield for the mind.
It makes a pin-cushion of your heart (only the Narcissist will get bored of using pins, they’ll use whatever sharp objects they can find or blunt ones) and your feelings will get battered.
Narcissists can take something simple and make it impossibly complicated… then they’ll turn on you and accuse you of being the one who made something simple complicated. You ruined a perfectly good mood, day, event, moment, relationship, with your drama.
Soul examination going on. Did I make a simple birthday greeting and a desire to promote me complicated? Perhaps. I was accused of making a drama out of a simple desire to help me to feel happy following posting of a birthday wish. If it came out of the goodness of someone’s heart that was I guess a good motivation, but what if it came out of them trying something they thought might help me to feel better when really that is not their job? That it then made me feel uncomfortable is maybe why it felt a bit problematic. That is also why I tried to say I felt it was a little tinged with co-dependence then I got in trouble for that for them, apparently that showed I was trying to assassinate their character and take then down. I didn’t think that was my aim but they then claimed it was a passive aggressive maneovuer because I was angry? I was overwhelmed pure and simple and fighting to get free. Was I coming across as too much of a victim in my blog? I just don’t know.
Who actually was then complicating a difficult situation? All I had said in the first post that stirred all this up was that I was a bit uncomfortable. I got in trouble for not saying this directly. It just didn’t occur to me and it probably should have.
I would really encourage anyone who wants to raise their level of awareness into human interactions to read Ursula’s post above and to follow her blog. Some of the themes she covers in this post is how often we turn others into monsters when they don’t act or respond as we wished them to. They are the one who stepped into our world and caused us pain and difficulties, if only they stayed the hell out. But it probably was not their intent to do this. Their intent was to help, but in helping the person who they considered to be helpless in a way they did not really do them a service. If you then suffer as a result of the help it can then backfire. Its complex and complicated and at times deeply confusing.
Reading Ursula’s post I must be honest and say as a strong Neptunian at times I have been stuck in powerless victim, feeling that I lacked power and giving too much because I was conditioned to see that as being good. This relates in part to my Catholic education. Also at times after my father died and I was struggling my Mum stepped in to help me knowing I was hit sideways by it. When I was helped too much it was not actually empowering for me. I needed to be an adult and stumble and bumble and find my own way.
I was accused the other day of playing the victim and I can see that this may have been true. What the person did not know that at a time when I was dealing with a lot in my life, was overburdened and tired and having to deal with even more emails was like the straw that nearly broke the camel’s back. At the moment I am so over extended in my life due to poor boundaries that I have too many balls in the air and someone’s well intentioned help for me and my blog was not actually helpful at that time with all the other things I was dealing with.
Anyway I don’t think the other person is a narcissist. She just felt hurt by me and then decided to attack me back, which hurt, who knows if it was valid criticism?
I am reminded that its always up to me whether I choose to take on board the offence from something another person has done and some criticism may help us to see things we can not see.. Although it hurts me the best way to get free is to let go of the hurting or take steps to change what needs to be changed.
I want to have love in my heart. I want to have peace. The one powerful insight I took from the post above by Ursula recommended to me by a valued follower is not to make monsters out of others. And to pray that in time compassion grows in the hearts of others so they no longer need to make a monster out of me.