A slap on the wrist

After a joyous start to my birthday morning with a surprising number of text messages and other warm birthday wishes I went to the dog park with Jasper and got involved with a conversation about the movie La La Land.  “I hated it!” Dan said. “Why, I asked?”  “it was just soooo self indulgent.”  “In what way?” I asked.  “All those stupid lyrics about how we are Hollywood, we are the dream makers?”  Oh, that’s not what I took away from the movie.  “What about the great song the main character sings at that audition about how we are all just human and flawed?”  He rolled his eyes and walked away.  Slap on the wrist feeling more like a slap on the face.  It followed the fact he thought I was loopy to say that one of the Mitford sister’s who apparently cosied up to Hitler and then tried to shoot herself was not mad but probably a strong woman.  Well looking back on I could have got that comment wrong  I just get triggered by use of the word ‘mad’ in relation to women who are spinning out and I was referring more to one of the other Mitford sisters who went on to a more illustrious career.

After he walked away I felt slapped and then I got super emotional.  Nothing new here close to this birthday I have been feeling close to tears.  I had a running monologue going on in my head.  I had loved the lighthearted dance scenes in La La Land where Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone engage in some old fashioned soft shoe shuffle on a deserted road in the Hollywood Hills.  No wonder he was down on you, you are such a baby lured in by all that Hollywood romanticism which is really self indulgent fantasy.  Can you see where I am headed with this.  My Leo North Node got a hammering.

Anyway I retreated to the shade under a big old pine tree and just cried for a while.  Jasper and I then headed north and met a lovely family who were supporting the Dad who had been injured and taking the dog for a play.  My heart was still feeling scalded.  I feel better now.  I am not entirely sure why Dan’s reaction hurt me so badly and made me feel so bad about myself this morning.  One of his friends standing close said how he had been in a bad mood that morning.  Was it a case of me as an empath taking something on from him?  I am not sure.  It was weird and because it was I am posting about it here.  I came away feeling bad in some way, flawed, small, messy and just wrong. Had I been shadow dumped?  Who knows.  Feedback much appreciated.

17 thoughts on “A slap on the wrist

  1. I don’t know why you took his criticism to heart, love. He was talking about his opinion of the movie. Sure, his delivery was probably sharp and even disdainful, but just laugh it off. When my friends have such a divergent opinion than mine, sometimes I discuss it, sometimes I just smile and ignore it and change the topic. If they get really ugly, I call them out on it with something like: “Ok, dude, chill. No need to get so worked up.” That’s my signal that I’m not feeling their bullshit. Then, if they are receptive, I might ask them what’s going on….if they are obviously in a bad mood. I listen and let them talk it out.

    Regardless of how I react, I’m ALWAYS aware that their stuff is theirs and I don’t allow it to affect me. It’s like the wolf of love thing (one of my favorites posts I need to rewrite because I did not save it and WP ate it one day, haha!). Sounds like you met his wolf of hate today. Shake it off. It ain’t about you.

    1. Yes and he isn’t really a person I warm to or relate to well. He is so super witty and dominating in his opinions. I may have let it fall off on another day. I may be vulnerable today as I am spending most of my birthday alone and so it hurt a bit more than it usually would.

  2. I think I missed your birthday. 😦 If I did, then happy belated birthday. I hope that this year will bring you peace, joy and love. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. ❤

  3. Happy Birthday! 😀

    It’s okay for you to enjoy the movie. If he didn’t, he didn’t. It sounds as if you’re feeling questioned for your tastes and/or opinions as if they’re a measure of your intelligence. There’s nothing wrong with having your own likes, dislikes or opinions – they don’t have a whole lot to do with EI or intelligence in general. Einstein was a smart guy with really bad hair but he didn’t care at all. 🙂

    1. Hey I love that last line it made me chuckle… :)… Thanks yes so right. in view of his deeply intellectual take on the movie I felt as though I was an innocent silly sap, so you were spot on the money there. I find it hard to hold onto my own self in the face of others diminishment part of being codependent I guess. Good things to bear in mind here. Thanks for your feedback Lynette.

  4. My best birthday wishes for you for the year ahead, my fellow Aquarius (my birthday is in a few days).

    If it helps, when I’m around someone and I feel sad or confused, etc. when I leave them, I learning to tell myself it doesn’t matter who it was, me or them. It’s enough to know that we don’t sync, even if just not on that day, and that’s okay. I may choose to move on from that person at that point or try them another day. It helps me when I think I’m being ‘over-sensitive’ and gives me some clarity.

    1. Oh what day is your birthday PG? (I am sorry I don’t know your name.) How lovely to know we are so close in an astrological way. Thank you so much for that feedback. You are so right with what you say. I know I was being extra sensitive yesterday. I find connections with men fraught with difficulty at times and there are painful reminders from my Dad when he was a bit harsh with the sensitive part of me so that may have been triggered yesterday. I still ended up feeling a lot like a baby, very young and raw. It must have triggered something deep. I appreciate your perspective, thank you. ❤

  5. On the 8th. Your reaction was very understandable – I can’t think of how many times I get emotionally triggered and then have to spend some time trying to figure out why. lol I haven’t mastered my own advice yet, but it’s been helpful to me so far. Take care. 🙂

  6. Happy B Day Deborah! Belated. I’m sorry you spent it alone – I sometimes do that also.

    As to your park companion – reminds me of a friend I had. She is very intelligent with an advanced degree, so people including me can be in awe of her. She has very very strong and detailed opinions, on movies also but her hobby horse is politics. I actually generally have similar views as she does, but she expresses them so emphatically, at such length, and does not allow any disagreements, these views are so important to her. I always ended up feeling stupid, but also kind of bullied. I would be so wound up from spending time with her, I couldn’t sleep. I decided to end the friendship despite how much I valued her intelligence and verbal ability.

    Anyway, someone rolling their eyes and abandoning the conversation is no friend or even pal. He sounds passive aggressive and to be avoided. Unless he really was just having a bad day and proves his worth at other times. Take care.

    1. Thanks Ellen id feel more comfortable not seeing a lot of him it might be easy as he only goes to the park on weekend mornings….other people are just,less difficult to be around. You made a good decision about your friend. We live and learn..love Deborah

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