Abandonment trigger some thoughts on isolation and relating.

This is a post I wrote mid week last week which was a very tough week.  Sometimes it takes a lot of time to gain clarity into things that trigger us and even old ways of being that don’t serve us well for growth… I have had a lot of trouble managing my relationships in the past and pulling back and going into total isolation about 15 years ago wasn’t a great thing but in some way maybe I needed to do that to come more in touch with my inner world.  I do thrive on relating to others as am I beginning to see. I often fear loosing myself with others and that was part of the pattern I felt as the youngest in a far older family where I wasn’t fully seen or related to in my own world much.  So I am going to post this even though its a bit old today.

I’m a little upset with myself today.  I was doing so well earlier in the week, going for my early morning walk, dealing with things that needed to be tended to at home and feeling good, then one phone call to my Mum and news my sister was off the coast house alone without me who wanted to go hit me hard.  In therapy yesterday, Katina bought up the idea that it triggered earlier leavings and losses.  I think she was spot on. Now sadly I have had two days where its been hard to get going.  I finally managed to eat something about 11 am after about three hours of nosebleeds and then I stretched and wrote another blog before this one, my fourth today.

Today WordPress is my only channel to the outside world… in a few minutes I need to get myself up and out and into the fresh air as I am looking like a ghost or a cadaver today I have lost so much blood and all of this sitting around isn’t good, that said I am on the go a lot so would it really hurt to give myself a break is this my never say die inner critic giving me a good old bum kick?

I am clear that something enormous got triggered for me on Wednesday. I see I function better when I make more connections with the outside world and arrange to get together with someone nurturing.  It takes me out of myself for a time.  I need this at present because as I look back I’ve had a shit load of aloneness and being alone too much sucks if you are not spending the alone time well.  And at the moment I am so tired I just wish someone would come and take care of me. Not going to happen!.  Staying in all day triggers me back to other hard times and to times I would retreat with a killer hangover.  That hasn’t happened for over 23 years but the memories are there.

Today perhaps just for a  little while I need to detach from my self, acknowledge that I have been facing big issues and let go then look to do something nurturing.  I have to begin feeding myself instead of depleting myself.  Its a long road but somehow I need to keep going forward on it. Today I am just coming out of some big trigger haven’t been in this dark place for as long as before for quite a while.  Need to remember that.

19 thoughts on “Abandonment trigger some thoughts on isolation and relating.

      1. OHHHHH, lucky lady!! What’d ya get? My bestie / roomie got me a new Macbook Pro w/touchbar and the super crazy hd retina display for Christmas. It feels like I’m seeing the internet for the first time, lol!

  1. I am so glad you posted this. I too have been feeling this way. My isolation has made me realize that I had surrounded myself with negative, unsupportive, toxic relationships. So I’ve cleaned the slate, and looking for healthier ones. I’ve had a few set backs. But I’m still working forward to find more positive, nurturing, supporting people. Hang in there. And thanks again for your post.

  2. Cheering you on, lady! I find sustenance here, too, as I tend to be extremely isolated because I work so much. My work is mostly self-directed, so there is a ton of solitude. I am a workaholic, too, which is completely unhealthy. I find blogging to be a useful way to socialize and it’s not too time consuming….since it’s winter, I don’t have a lot of people over now. In the summer, it’s different, but mostly because of Alex’s friends, whom I’ve become friends with, too, but I can count on one hand the number of real friends I have.

    Please look after yourself. Is there a hubby in the picture or a SO? I’m sorry if I’ve missed that or forgotten…

      1. I always think I’d like to be alone, but then when Alex is gone for work for a couple weeks at a time, I always look forward to his return. 🙂

        We’ve been friends for 24 years and this past fall, we tried to date, haha! It was a clumsy attempt to create something more intimate out of our solid friendship.

        It didn’t take, but of course we still live together. I’ve decided I am a confirmed bachelorette! lol!

      2. That sounds like perfect balance as I live alone and sharing with someone who is a friend gives you companionship…..I think for a Leo there is something deep within that is alone or a loner in some way. The male lion leaves his family behind the mother nurtures the cubs but only for a time. I understand that with my Leo Ascendant and Uranus there none of my five major relationships has lasted. 🙂

  3. I love that you know astrology! :o)

    I’ve been pretty attached to my Leonine ways for a while, now. I am Leo and an ENTJ female. My bachelorettehood is probably not a mystery to you, haha! I feel like I may have actually met someone who just might understand me…the real me. ;o) I only hope I can give the same to you in return! 💙

    1. Aww so often when I speak to people about their astrology they say they feel deeply recognised on some level. Its a powerful tool to understand psychic and archetypealforces. It means heaps to me that you communicate with me so much and send such great meaningful feedback on my blog. You are in my life for a reason. Big hug sister!

      1. I was just thinking that with the Leo energy you need someone who lets you be a total individual. You need that space. I think you have the ideal balance as you said when you are all alone its too hard and that is recognising your human need for connection while being a strong individual.

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