In the following video Ross Rossenberg shares how healing our early trauma wounds is the only cure for attraction to wounding relationships now. He explains how trauma disorders or wounds from moments of trauma lead us to the compulsion to recreate the same wound over and over again. Emotional trauma in childhood from wounding leads to what Ross has called Self Love Deficit Disorder and discusses in this video :
Self love deficit comes from an attachment trauma that creates a core sense of shame. This shame creates an intense feeling of pathological loneliness that compels us to seek a relationship or an addiction to cope with the loneliness and emptiness. We are attracted to further wounding relationships due to our original wounds in attachment that did not allow us to develop a sense of self love and self protection. This lack of self love and self protection is a core generator of co-dependency. Until we recognise the core of what we suffer from we often don’t heal : even in therapy, according to Rosenberg.
This video may be helpful or provide some further insight for those of us suffering in this way.