Here I stand

Here I stand

Naked of any desire

Tired out by the search

Returning to my root

Don’t tell me I need to branch out

When I live by going deeper

When I know each cut has forced me

To go further within

Its double abuse

To neglect me

And then tell me I should be doing better

How you wish I was someone else

Fuck off

I don’t need it

I am where I am

Because of what I went through

Now you wax eloquent on how cared for you are

Where the fuck were you when I needed you

Oh that’s right

Its no good to need

Bury it?

No!

Here I stand

I am me

I wear these scars

And I am strong

I have born those slings and arrows

I wont bear the victim stance

But the heroic one

Which may come with no recognition

Apart from that of those

Who also survived this war

And lived to tell the tale

Scatter your bullshit to the wind

Let it blow far, far away from me

Don’t ever recognise what you did

Hold onto your mythology instead

But leave me alone

Here I stand

I am me

Those cuts and losses were real

And if I scream

There is a reason

It is a protest

And must be allowed to be set free

So a deeper reality

Can be known

Apart from this

My way leads me

Deep within

To the heart of the presence

To the centre of the wound

Where all can be known

I don’t belong

In your deadly world of shades

Full of ghosts that don’t speak

But just haunt vacant spaces

I have lost touch with your ground

And I cannot live without air either

Let me walk on earth

Where I belong

As someone real

Embodied

No longer haunted

By the ghosts of silence and repression

Yes, I am alive

I have a voice

And here I stand

8 thoughts on “Here I stand

  1. Okay. Wow. And thank you so much for giving expression to my world too. “Don’t tell me to branch out when I live by going deeper… double abuse…” Thank you for writing the permission to do go deeper.

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