Born through struggle : Insights on resentment

Each morning on our walk Jasper and I seem to come across something that delights or informs our soul.  Today it was not as it appeared, as we passed the nature strip on our way to buy a bottle of water I saw what I thought was a single magpie struggling to get up.  I went towards it thinking that perhaps I could give it some help, but lo and behold, what looked like one bird struggling was actually two birds locked in what seemed to be like a death embrace.  As I moved towards them the situation became clearer as they began to wrestle with each other and then suddenly they both broke free and flew away separately.

So many things came into my mind at that point.  I was thinking about how the force of thwarted desire can hold us down and keep us locked in in a negative way in a struggle with something that we can’t quite let go of.  As we are held down and tangled up there is no way we can fly free until the force holding us down breaks open or apart in some way.  I then began to think about how we are actually birthed in some way if we stay with a struggle long enough to see things through to resolution.

I then went to have my morning coffee and came upon the following two readings by a case of synchronicity.

(1)

Struggle

In order to grow we must struggle.  Children struggle as they move through developmental stages, sorting and resorting what they learn and adapting it to new challenges. Our brain grows with use, new information creates brain growth and alters cell assemblies or particular constellations of memories.  Part of struggling is working through previous stages in new ones, changing thoughts and behaviour patterns, continually shaping and reshaping the self.  When I am able to struggle, I can change, and I can allow others to change in my presence.  I can move through stages of life without getting marooned in one because I can’t face the anguish of the struggle towards a new one.

I am willing to struggle

The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with

composure one heavy mischance after another, not because

he does not feel them, but because a man is of high

and heroic temper.

Aristotle

(2)

Grace Versus Justice

I recognise today that when I carry resentment within me. I am held down and back by the strength of my own feeling.  The tree does not know that it elicits in me a feeling of serenity.  A sunset may not know that it gives me a feeling of safety and warmth – just as the person I resent does not know the extent of the hidden anger I carry daily in my heart.  I am not free when resentment drags on my soul force, dissipating its energy…

I cannot break free alone.  All the wisdom in the world cannot put back in my heart the love yearned for but never received, or had but lost.  Whatever the wound, it may take more than I have to heal it.  I need to ask for and pray for grace to enter my life and help me do what seems impossible.  I will pray for grace to move me toward freedom and away from my wish to destroy, knowing that I cannot destroy another without wounding myself.

I pray for grace

To forgive is the best revenge

The Bible

What kind of synchronicity led me towards those two birds today I will never know.  But I felt some important message that the soul of the world present in nature was trying to say to me today.  How many times I have remained locked in a death like struggle with resentment, not even knowing at the time that is what was really going on?   How much better off may I have been if I have prayed for grace before reacting and making things much worse?    And perhaps even this is asking too much of myself, asking me to have known something deeper that I could only learn by struggling and hurting and restuggling again and again.

This I do believe though : healing is always available to me.  In order to attain it I need the grace and strength to bear with and through my current challenges in order to birth the wisdom that waits for me on the other side of struggle.

2 thoughts on “Born through struggle : Insights on resentment

  1. Hey exceptional blog! Does running a blog similar to
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    Anyhow, if you have any ideas or tips for new blog owners please
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    1. Hi there Justina Sorry for the delay in replying to your comment. It went to my spam folder on 4 January. I found blogging easy to start. I just used the basics. To be honest I forget how I set up my account over 3 years ago but if you google ‘getting started on WordPress’ you should find some help. I hope you do as its very rewarding and lots of fun and helps you connect to others. All the best. Deborah

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