The reason why : heart has reason that reason doesn’t understand

The reason I let you down was.   Well let me see there is a way you will tell me the thing you did was all about others needing more and you had to be their saviour, but I was your friend and I was hurting.  How could you do that to a friend? You did.

You want me to get over it, brush myself off and meet you at a concert today, have you any idea how what you did yesterday affected me.  As a HSP with multiple level trauma and multiple abandonments these things don’t just roll off my back.  I have to take care of myself and guard my sensitivity.   I have reached the limit of what I can open my heart for.  As lately I have felt my heart is in so much pain it will give out and the breast cancer will come back if I don’t take care of me.  So no I cant come tonight.  I need to rest with the family who will care for me and be there and I need to be there with them because this pain we carry at this time of year is a shared pain.

As for therapy.  I cant do it anymore.  Its tiring and I feel I have done therapy for nearly 20 years now of one form or another.  There has to be a time to lay the burden down and go on in another direction.  Its costing me a lot in terms of money, energy and time and the truth is some days I gain more comfort from being at the park and just listening to the breeze as it whispers deep truths to me.  I believe the friend who yesterday said to me “Deborah you are too special and unique for this, guard your heart.”  This what I told you I must do, this is what I need to do.

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