The following excerpt from The Journey from Abandonment to Healing really spoke to me today. It talks of the necessity of accepting painful realities that affected us deeply and grieving as opposed to railing against the experience and staying locked in defensive rage:
The ability to accept and face reality on its own terms is crucial to abandonment recovery. For many, it is one of the greatest challenges. Some do anything to avoid accepting situations they don’t want or like. They act as if by protesting it, they can make it go away. We all know people who rankle over something they can’t control. They act as if keeping up the fight will wear reality down. They wear themselves out beating their heads against a stone wall and sometimes wear out their welcome with otherwise supportive friends.
Facing reality means accepting the loss and the grief that goes along with it. Railing against it is a futile attempt to fend off the loss. In the long run, this strategy can’t work. There will always come a day of reckoning when you must take stock of what happened and give your loss.
Indeed, abandonment has placed you at an important crossroads. You can choose to fight the things you don’t like, or you can face facts. The reality you face today isn’t permanent. Reality is continually changing. But it is up to you to take charge of it and move it forward.
I think then we recognise the deep letting go that in taking us into deep grief also sets us free. This afternoon at the local bookstore I came across a poem by Hafiz in which he spoke of the gentle rain that in falling nurtures and grows the green field. This letting go, sadness, grieving process can not be avoided forever. It is the one process that will in time allow us to face reality and heal and help us to grow into fuller flowers than we could have been while we stayed trapped in rage and non acceptance.