Between the two : reflections on writing

Today I have been feeling the pull between opposites within me.  Opposite desires and needs, the twoness in me.  Do I take Jasper out and feel the sunshine on my skin and the fresh breeze, touch base with other dog owners at the park before it gets too late or the looming clouds cover blue skies and make them grey?  Or do I honour my soul need now to sit at the computer and write a blog?  I sat down to write in the sunshine (so I get the best of both worlds).  After writing this I will get out.

Lately I have been thinking about passion and desire.  I started to write a blog now in drafts which came to me after exploring some quotes from Carl Jung after writing a blog on him yesterday.  The quote that drew my interest was one where he said he never felt the need to follow the teachings of holy men, he said he felt it was up to each of us to discover the truth of things within ourselves.  This is great but does it preclude the need to read what others write in order to find what their perspectives are?  And to find out whether that accords with our own gut instinct?  I am showing my airy other side now.

On an astrological level it makes sense.  With his Sun in Leo perhaps Jung’s key life task was to discover the Sun within him, the sense of shining and being a unique individual who was supremely intuitive, intelligent and aware.  He was attuned to nature. I really resonate with a lot of his ideas as his Sun fall in my first house and lights up my own ascendant and North Node in Leo.

Thinking about what lights me up, what give me passion and purpose it is these things : astrology, finding inner meaning, poetry, art, the ways in which my personal history is connected to a deeply collective one, astrology, mythology, instinctual life and animals and above and beyond and containing all of these things:  writing and reading.

I just listened to a wonderful interview with author DBC Pierre on writing.  He has written a new book on the subject called Release the BatsYou may or may not be aware that he won the Booker Prize for his first novel.  What he was speaking about was the necessity to write for ourselves, not with any idea in mind of how our writing will be received, nor of its effect on the reader.  Only in this way can we get at the essence of why we need to write and what it is for.  “We are all trapped inside our heads”, he said.  “Our ideas are holding us  back”.  He said this in the sense of how the idea of writing in order to have it received in a certain way can and does hold us back.  The message I got from it was this.  Writing is for us. And for some of us it is what we MUST do.

I started to cry in the midst of this.  Lately I have been questioning my purpose and reason for being and wondering what I can contribute to the world.  Listening to this interview made me realise I live to write.  I have been writing since I was very small.  It was a way to cope with the extremely loneliness of my childhood, at first.  But it also comes out of the need I have in my soul to express, reach out to others and communicate what I feel in my soul.

We are so lucky these days.  Before blogging existed how could any of us have got our writing out there into the wider world.  Blogging gives us a platform of expression where we can lay it out there.  We need to release the bats, those demons that at times get stuck in the dusty chambers of our minds and hearts that closed off can become dank and musty or crazed, tortured, imprisoned and deadened.  Writing and expressing is a way of liberating what is trapped. Of opening the door to the inner world and allowing things out into the fresh air where they can breathe and find freedom and flight.

Writing has certainly saved my skin on some of the darkest days of the past few years.  Connecting with other bloggers and reading their great writing and gritty life stories lights my own path and touches my heart space with the desire to reach out and connect. After that need is sated I can go out into the sunshine with wee Jasper, knowing my soul has been fed and I am content.

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