Feeding Our Soul

I came across a beautiful interpretation of yesterday’s Solar Eclipse in Pisces on one of my favourite astrology sites yesterday :  http://www.leahwhitehorse.com/2016/03/08/solar-eclipse-in-pisces-march-2016-purification/

It spoke of the huge tumult of feeling that may be being raised in our soul’s at present.  It spoke too of the sense of old deep wounds arising to the surface in order to be cleansed and purified.  Almost like an infection rising to the surface to be cleared out.  This is due to the South Node in Pisces being conjunct  Chiron the stellular archetype for wounds that are difficult to heal and have some kind of transformative purpose for us, lessons in learning how to positively be with and tend our wounded places.  The sextile of Sun and Moon to Pluto indicates an opportunity to travel down into the subconscious for the purpose of bringing what is buried to light so we can see it more clearly and clear out hidden pain or infection on a metaphoric level.

This was certainly going on for me yesterday when I posted my blog The Dark Place I Visit but there was no clarity much yesterday, just a truck load of pain, anger and angst.  At one point in the day after writing all morning and eating nothing I got up from the lounge had a shower and felt like my entire being was fragmenting.  I looked around the house at the mess and had fears of not being able to cope.

The end result was that I reached out to several people one of whom was so fantastic at mirroring me and understanding the depth and reason for my suffering that in time my pain soothed.  This person is someone who was at my school and who I connected up with much later in life to learn had been down the path of addiction and entered recovery in her 20’s.  She really understands grief and trauma, as so few people do.  She knows the depth of my trauma.  In having it acknowledged I felt sane again.

When we are grieving it is so important to find others who understand us and wont try to shut down our feelings, those who will empathise with our suffering and hold our hand literally or metaphorically as we feel it.  I do feel that having someone who can do this for us may make the difference between going mad and staying sane.  In the end through loving us they show us how to love ourselves.  How to treat ourselves with empathy and compassion.

Following our conversation I spoke to another friend, who offered to come over tonight with a meal and with one of the ladies from a breast cancer support group. I managed to make a simple meal, do a bit of cleaning up and pottering around my nest.  I managed to water the plants.  And then a friend texted to say she would pop around and spend the night.  All in all yesterday I was supported and today I realised how much I have been struggling with and attempting to heal, how much pain I have been enduring and holding onto and how grateful I am for the blessings I do have in life.

In the midst of all this I wrote a blog which I didn’t post about a lot of things that had hurt me over the years. About how I felt at times so removed from our modern culture. How I long for us to recognise the damage we do to ourselves, to each other and to the earth.  Of the fears I have for human kind in the way we are all moving so very, very fast and loosing touch with what is most essential to wellness.   In the end I think it was really good just to put all of these thoughts down and I may post the blog anyway.

Last night when my beautiful friend arrived she bought with her some colouring pencils, in contemplating them this morning after she left early for work I was drawn to post this piece of Leah’s astro blog :

Have you nourished your soul recently? Did you dance, make art, absorb yourself in your imagination, read a children’s book? Did you sing for the joy of singing, paint, go for a long walk in the wild woods? When did you last make sand castles by the beach, strip off your socks and dangle your feet in a clear stream? When did you last give yourself a foot massage and thank your feet for carrying you? When did you last curl up into a ball and hold yourself whilst you cried?

It occurred to me that all these are ways of honouring the deep soul part of us that Pisces represents and with the opposition to Virgo which is where the North Node is at present, there is an aspect of earthiness to this creative soulful process and idea of being in touch with our body and nature in an organic way.  The things that Leah lists there are all things that put us in touch with the present moment.  In two weeks the Moon will swing around to conjunct the North Node and we will be encouraged to live more fully from the present (although under a Lunar Eclipse awareness into old issues will continue to grow.)

When we are distressed and jangled it seems that nourishing our soul is so important, but it may be the last thing we think of.  It seems to me the simple things in life are the most essential, the touch of the sun on our skin, the smell of a beautiful rose, a hug from a friend, sharing a meal and conversation, listening to music, feeling the soles of our feet on soft grass.

As I am writing this I am longing to stroke my puppy’s soft fur (he is still with the minders at present) and I am remembering that beautiful time of peace we had on the day before my surgery last week where he just slept at my feet as I listened to music and contemplated the sheer joy of simply being.  Of how I cried as I drove him to the minders singing the Carpenter’s song “I won’t last a day without you.”  facing the prospect of my surgery and our immanent separation.

The truth is I know I will last, however I really identify with the feelings and longing in that song.  Its a deep cry from the soul of a someone who feels as though she doesn’t fit into the world or belong to anyone but that one special person who brings her connection, understanding and comfort.  It speaks of how having this one person makes all the other craziness bearable.

Today as I sit in the soft light typing this, I feel as though the storm of yesterday has passed.  Last night rain fell for the first time in weeks.  There are overcast skies that are just right for dreaming on.

Today I am going to bring beauty into my life. I am going to look for ways to nurture my soul.  Despite whatever pain lies in the past, I do have the capacity to make positive choices for the future.  I can ask for help in containing and releasing those painful feelings I carry which rise up from time to time.  And through my suffering I can learn what has value and what is most meaningful and necessary to me.