Ever felt really burnt up by something? It happens to me a lot. I just had an image of myself with my hair all aflame and eyes of fire. In exploring that I also had an image of a phoenix arising out of a bed of flames.
Its a gorgeous process of alchemy how someone’s comments in response to your blog or your comments in response to theirs can fuel creative ideas. This blog comes out of Amy Rose’s wonderful comment which occurred after I commented on her recent post Judgement which I am sorry I don’t know yet how to link to here. This blog contains absolutely STUNNING images of nature on fire with autumn colour. I highly recommend a visit to her site.
Anyway a short while ago Amy Rose made a comment about how anger is often a fuel for her to create. I myself have been so deeply conditioned by my repressive Catholic background that anger is “bad”, that at times I forget that authentic justified anger is actually a transformative fire that breaks new ground which leads us home to true authenticity. It gives us energy to pursue change and create new things, a desire to recognise and celebrate what is beautiful, it also speaks to us in defence of our self and our true values. Without a living connection to it we become dull and listless, depressed, devitalised and unable to feel the way to our deepest soul.
I was watching an excellent ABC documentary on violence against African Americans this week and one of the men being interviewed said something like this “I don’t know if it is possible to be a conscious black person in America at this point in history and NOT be angry”. Towards the end of the programme a gorgeous woman sang a song full of passion of how beautiful it is to be black. I had goosebumps and felt the power in her standing up in self love and self respect.
This afternoon I have been reading and writing a blog on gut feelings and gut instinct that I wont be able to post for some time. But the gist of it is that when we repress our emotional truth because others dissuade us from it, we suffer profound feelings of emptiness. Finding out way back to our authentic self depends upon our ability to enter and understand the roots of this emptiness so that it can become fullness. We may need to find a belly of fire at times in order to re-find our true purpose and meaning
Getting angry about something can enliven me and fill me up with the knowing of what it was inside me that got buried or transgressed against. In the midst of feeling my anger a voice will speak about something important that it is so essential for my soul to know.
I spent a lot of time getting shamed for anger when I was growing up. Even now with my certain members of my family if I try to express anger I get a slap of some kind. I’m learning to recognise when it comes and speak up for myself but I am 53 now and being able to feel comfortable doing this without experiencing some form of backlash has taken YEARS. Anyway better late than never, I say.
It is a lovely insight of Amy’s that this fire can be turned towards a creative purpose. It gives us the energy to speak and fight for that which has value for us. I’m sure I’ve explored this topic before but it just felt right today. With a New Moon later today in a Fire sign it seems timely to be speaking of things fiery like vision, meaning purpose… all very Sagittarian things very dear to my heart today.
I think back to one of my earlier poems : Close to the Fire which was cry from myself to recognise myself and celebrate myself. Through doing this I am also able to better recognise and celebrate others in all of their emotions. I don’t have to fear their anger or argue with them about it. Feelings are responses of a self to something, how we both respond is not always the same, respect for you and respect for me means I need to honour this difference.