The painful journey home

You came to my door

With hungry eyes

And stories of sorrow

Of love gone wrong

She did me wrong

I felt the pain

When you spoke of her psychosis

I just did not know then

The part you played

You wanted a place

To cast the blame

Outside yourself

While I was more interested

In asking the question

Why?

For you this was an affront

To your sense of being right

The heater exploded

In the middle of our kiss

A storm started to brew

That flung us wide apart

When I felt something

Dark and hard in your heart

I had the urge

While on that beach

To run so far away

To swim quickly out of the realm

Of your fisher’s hook

You sucked the goodness out of her

Then hung her out to dry

I sensed it

Why didn’t I keep running?

I should have listened to my gut

But my longing was stronger

Swirling with the

As yet

Unknown knowing

I fell and hit my head

The first of many falls

It took me years to know

What from my history

Made this imprinted lure

So magnetic

I had my own longing

My own deeply

Unresolved hunger

Ours was a journey I had to travel

Every step of the way

Over the broken eggshells

Of your projected pain

In order to learn

Essential lessons of self love

Loneliness has taught me

That even though painful

The price of being myself

Is not too much to pay

Feeling safe to be me

Even in all the dark melancholy

Is the cosiest place

One I could never find

The way back to

Through centuries of wandering

The truth is

The deeper I go

Into the grief

You so despised

The more fully

I come home to myself

And feel the beauty

And integrity

And love of this place

That no one

Can ever take away again