One of the things I have to own is my tendency to magnify a hurt. When an arrow has been fired at me, its important to remove the arrow. I find myself questioning why someone wanted to be such a “£$$%% to fire the arrow in the first place, then I go through all the possible things I could have done to have attract the said arrow, then I cry and get angry, maybe rage about the arrow/arrow thrower. Lately its occurring to me that I could just take the arrow out. There would be a scar or a tear, for what pierces us always leaves an effect but eventually the pain would stop.
Maybe I will never know why I got in the way of that arrow. Maybe I don’t need to. Maybe I will never find out why the arrow thrower wanted to fire that arrow. It was probably their destiny to be a thrower of arrows. Maybe I will learn that around that person I am best to stand out of the line of fire. Maybe I don’t need to let the hurt and pain lodge too deep.
I know its a pain in the arse to be told to let something go when you are smarting. Some painful and difficult things take time to die out. I used the metaphor with my nephew last week of painful feelings and events and our reactions to them as a glowing hot ember. At times our best approach may be not to try to pick it up until the fire dies down.
The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn talks of thoughts, feelings, reactions and hurts being like seeds that can either be watered or not watered. In my life I need to pay attention to what I am watering and what I am letting die off by lack of watering. We do not have to judge ourselves or others for having these seeds, just being aware of the so called negative seeds and the pain that coms from watering them brings awareness. There is something to be said for distraction when we are hurting, as well as a time to centre inwards and process things. What energy am I giving it? In what direction am I placing that energy? Could my energy best be placed in a different direction? What is my reaction? Where is it really coming from? Is it necessary to water this?
Pain comes and goes. I am experiencing a lot of pain in my damaged ankle and foot at night following this injury. Painkillers aren’t working and I use mindfulness practice to be with the pain. At times the pain makes me scream out. But in time I fall asleep and pain has passed. I awake in the peace and stillness of my room again conscious of the need to rest, to let be. The pleasure of this becomes more precious due to the experience of the pain. And maybe life will be forever his dance of both, made more nakedly visible at certain times than others. What about if I let go into the flow of that dance? And allowed it to carry me forward, loosening some of my resistance and tendency to magnify things on the way?
Some words from Gerald Jampolsky come to mind.
I could choose peace instead of this.
To which I add my own words
I could choose peace in the midst of this