New Year, New Resolution?

I had a very gentle and quiet New Year’s Eve last night, home alone with my puppy, Jasper.  I really enjoyed it and felt a great deal of peace and contentment.  It got me thinking about all the times and ways I have tried so hard to fit in to situations which I really didn’t enjoy and a how big a part alcohol played in that.

Its interesting as I stopped drinking about a month prior to New Year,  20 years ago and it was such a huge liberation to be free of the compulsion, for the first time in so many years. I was gaining great help from attending 12 step meetings.  It was a profoundly important time in my life.

I had quite a few powerful dreams around that time.  In one my father came to the door of a place I was,  it was a den of iniquity with a lot of gambling and drinking going on.  He beckoned to me to run outside and take shelter behind the shrubs and as I did the entire place burst into flames and burned to the ground.

In a curious piece of synchronicity we had very severe bush fires in Sydney that year, where I was living at the time.

It was very close to the 9th anniversary of my father’s death, so it was not strange that in another powerful dream around the same time I felt his spirit fly into the room and awaken the pain of his loss in my heart centre.  I awoke crying deeply but also feeling a strong sense of rightness and love, I had the strong feeling he was with me.

The first dream image was a powerful metaphor for what was to pass over the next few years, many changes and endings as I grew.  At times I’ve been fairly resistant to change, but at other times I’ve been keenly aware the change was necessary, although I wasn’t always strong enough to act on that knowledge.

In most cases where I have struggled to hold onto something that was not meant for me it has been painful.  Letting go of what hasn’t been good for me, but I thought was so necessary to my existence,  has been painful too at times. But in the end I’ve found its a pain that in being allowed has led to greater peace and contentment.

One of the major things I am working on at the moment is acceptance on a number of levels.

Learning to love and accept myself as I am and not to have such a harsh inner critic who is constantly giving me a hard time for not living up to his ideals of perfection.

Learning also to accept the pain that others are going through and having an awareness of the limits of my power to change it.

Positive inner self talk is a huge part of this for me and recognising when I’m on the receiving end of the critic’s voice in the people around me.

So for this year I’m not really into resolutions as such, though I do hope and will put a lot of effort into being a more  loving, caring and accepting person to myself this year.

Its not a bad gig, this coming to know yourself and like yourself.

I came across the following quotes the other day.  I thought I might just share them on this blog today.

The first is from a fictional story I read earlier in the year:

Billy Joel thought home was another person, but maybe he was wrong, maybe home had to be yourself. 

Yvonne Cassidy

The second two quotes are from the book Women Who Love Too Much by Robyn Norwood:

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, but to place the source of happiness outside ourselves in someone else’s hands. means we avoid our responsibility to change our life for the better.    

Acceptance is a willingness to recognise what reality is and to allow that reality to be, without a need to change it, developing inner peace even in the face of challenges and difficulties. 

Robin Norwood

As I sit here typing on this quiet and overcast New Year’s day, I find these words of great comfort.

For this year I think I’ll skip the resolutions and just centre myself in my own heart and give thanks for all the wisdom learned in the good and bad experiences of last year.  And most especially for the support, understanding and encouragement that I have received on WordPress following a very painful sinus operation.  Thank you, Ursula.

Happy New Year everyone

Where ever it takes you, may you find peace.

Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

Categories Uncategorized2 Comments

2 thoughts on “New Year, New Resolution?”

  1. Thank you 😀

    Blessings for the New Year!

    Love your blog and your self expression is like a blossoming lotus flower! So beautiful!

    And our conversations have been very insightful for me, you have a gift, thank you for sharing 🙂


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