I read an interesting post today that claimed we all live inside a ‘story’ we tell ourselves, often with an archetypal theme. It got me to thinking of the sense we make of our world and here we are again back in the slippery domain of human meaning making and perceptions (Mercury.) I read another post from a follower very dear to me too, today, about a shift of perspective he had from the negative to the positive, the glass half empty to glass half full. I am of the opinion that we have real feelings about what happens to us in life, very real gut reactions but we also do put a slant on things. I am thinking here of how John Bradshaw says trauma to the young self just lives inside of us, but I also feel we have a larger or witness self that in some way is able to contain things..
In his work Bradshaw uses the idea of a magical wizard who is there for the child inside of us to guide us to feel connected to a source of understanding, protection and love. When I was in the deepest breakdown and isolation of my life post divorce I also imagined a benevolent mother figure who held me in the darkest moments, often she was not alone, but one of several Goddess type figures and was somehow related to Jesus… Of course intellectually I had developed this idea after reading many books on evolution of consciousness which explained how, over time human’s and human mind became separated out from this maternal force of creation and nature which also contains destructive elements (as in the Hindu tradition of Kali). With this splitting came a negation of certain things, deep feeling and feminine wisdom, a separation of spirit from matter and the earth to the sky with the imaging of a sky God who lived on high setting down commandments of how we ideally ‘should’ and ‘should not’ live.
I must say from a young age I distrusted the human world. I saw something deeper and I am not alone as many who get ‘lost’ in addictions also, often have a mystical side and we may have had traumatic relationships or bonds with our mothers, fathers and families who also carried splitting wounds. Do we then just resort to the archetypal world to be connected, at least at some level, to the substrata of our individual story or life destiny?
I was aware on the weekend after getting to sit next to my nephew at his birthday dinner that at times I have not been able to see him objectively, that said I also at times have felt a bit intimidated and scared of him, as he had his mother committed to the psychiatric facility a few years back and after this she tried to take her own life. I think when my sister hit the menopause and was slowly abandoned by her ex husband and had a hysterectomy that was when the real problems of mood swings started but they were deeply connected to some other wound lying dormant in our family and the deeper collective as well, in my opinion, related to the mother and the body and emotions.
The truth is that the feminine in both men and women has suffered in our culture… As mechanisation grew and industries changed we had the massive conflicts of World Wars where innocent men had to fight in terrible conditions, returning with scars they could not speak of and in this way affecting the family they were part of but the wound they carried was collective in many ways… I think so often of my own father who was forced to get out of Holland on the brink of its occupation by the Nazis and had no desire to return and see a connection with the distance my own brother often keeps from us all the way away on the other side of the world. I also see a connection in how our oldest nephew stays overseas too and was angry when I tried to help a soldier stranded overseas who everyone just believes was and is a scammer.. The truth about all of this will come out in the next year or so and I am staying mum on it for the time being..
I believe the truth is not just that we create our own story. but that a collective, archetypal ancestral destiny also affects us and bringing it to consciousness is the way we find a way to live more freely outside of its karmic burdens. I feel it is up to us to make the meaning out of our collective and ancestral inheritance and make sense of how past intersects with the present to produce a particular future.. if we don’t look deep inside of us for answers and look back generations, just running from the past stuff, how can we grow or form all of it into a more positive thing, extracting lessons and making healings where there have been schisms and separations?
I am not entirely sure where I am going with this post… I do see archetypal themes in our lives.. I see the mother wound in our family and was interested today to see that my sister had posted something about this on Facebook.. Our own mother was never mothered well and Mum did her best with us… it was difficult for Mum to contain her own emotions and we had the history of father and husband loss repeating too over several generations. I count myself blessed now to be connected to two kind and feminine oriented men who are not scared to express and talk openly of their true feelings.
I also notice in myself still, how I struggled between 3 and 6 pm at night, the time my Mum’s mum was absent and the time my own sister fell to the ground with a cerebral bleed in 1980… My sister says I live too much in the past but sometimes its more real to me than the present, especially when I find myself so deeply emotional at this time of night. I make sense of it with astrology.. transiting Mercury is only 2 degrees off my Chiron wound in Pisces right now…lots of other people on the Awakened Empath page say they are also crying a lot recently. Who knows what it is that we are shedding or feeling for the collective. All alone I feel things then my rational, negating mind tells me I am making it all up.. but something so much deeper always seems to be going on…. I hate the curse of this ‘aloneness’ that so often hits me at this time of night… feel a little ill with it this evening…. but anyway I write and write in my little world here… to contain the feelings because some days like today they almost feel they will blow me apart. Writing gives me a container of sorts for a while… when its only Jasper and I here in the early evening…maybe I am a light bringer to it all and a water bearer of the emotion.