Slip away

Sometimes

Darkness comes stealing hope

After those days where you went out

Full of happiness

Expecting to be able to give and help

And were instead blocked

At every turng

This kind of disappointment

Its something I am not very good at coping with

Why is this world

So often geared

Toward stoicism or misery

To an existance or rules

Defined by such narrow parameters

Things that don’t fit

In the circumscribed limits

Are just exiled or expelled

And so we create so often

A flat grey world

So drained of the intense colours of nature

Of vitality

Uniqueness

Contrast and Difference

Why don’t we celebrate those foreign or special things

That would open us up

Or lead us to a greater imagining

Is it any wonder

Some souls give up

They just get tired

Of the flatness

And exile

And so they slip away

Or just perform a cut

That ends with blood draining out

And life seeping away

As their spirits fly

Back to the essence of nature

Where their souls sense

They most truly belong

Down hearted

Mostly I like to inspire on my blog.  To share some love and light, more so lately but tonight I feel somewhat down hearted.  I had a tough day with one thing and another, some more heartbreak about being blocked from trying to help my friend and tonight I was watching some television to relax but was just overcome with the amount of violence on the screen.  In one scene a man was trying to kill two women by putting plastic bags over their heads.  I just turned the television off which I probably should have done to start with.  Living alone I use it for company many nights. That said it just really saddens me to see how much negativity and violence mainstream entertainment so often shows.  I try to watch comedy if I can lately if I do watch anything.

I was also talking to my cousin today about so called ‘negative bias’. That is our tendency to be more likely to remember the one or two critical things said to us, or the few negative experiences.  This is not to say that many of us do not suffer from negative experiences but as we recover its so much better for us to be able to put our focus on something that can up lift, something not always so filled with upset, hatred, misunderstanding, criticism or violence.  I am just so over it all tonight and lacking inspiration just needed to vent.  There have been some weeks of sunshine inside my heart but for some reason tonight I am feeling especially down hearted.

 

 

You fall, you rise

You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You’re human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love.

Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend.

Source unknown

Bright day : Today’s prayer

Bright day

Lead me into the light

Do not allow my fear and foreboding

To imprison me

Keeping me hostage in my mind

Grant me the courage to extend myself

Beyond my own small world

And limited view

To enter the reality of others

Let me remember that no one

I meet

Is truly a stranger

And when those who do not like to open

Keep their eyes downcast

And walk on by me on this path called life

Only frowning or muttering to themselves

Let me bless them on their way

Let me enjoy the journey

Keep my heart open

And most of all

Grant me and everyone else

Peace

Seeing things differently

In the darkness

My thoughts assume strange shapes

The inner workings of other’s minds

Invisible to me

I imagine filled with attacks on me

I need to find the light of day

On any morning

And pray to God a lot to change my view

From dark to light

Are not there angels around more than demons

In this life?

I do not know why I just assume

Disaster is waiting around every corner

And the boogie man

Is out to get me

It must be just a part

Of the tortured mindscape

I inhabit at times

Too filled with doom and gloom

To allow any room

For a more positive view

So when my guidance says

Read January 17

And I open the page

To see the words :

Seeing A Situation Differently

I open my eyes and mind and heart to the message

I could pray for guidance to see things more

Through Love than Fear

Through hope and trust

Instead of assumed disappointment

All because my soul in some mixed up way

Is trying to keep me safe from harm

Why also shut out the chance of Joy

Of something so different

To what my fearful mind projects

On current circumstance

 

We stand in light In the light this will look different. 

A Course In Miracles

Unwelcome : A safe harbour

You learned a long time ago

That this world was not a place that welcomed you

That there was no one there

Holding the door open with a smile

Saying : How nice to see you

Come on in

And rest a while

You learned to keep as quiet as you could

About what you felt and thought

While bursting apart at the seams

Denying the body you lived within

Was a simple human body

Needing so very much more than this

Endless corridors with closing doors

And backs turned

The failure to admit all of this to your mind

Meant that it was your aching body

That kept the silent score

Of what you never

Were allowed to know

With your mind

Until your hunger grew too insistent

And set you on a search to find the one who said

I know you

And love you

And accept you totally

Please come in

You are more than welcome

Here

Please take a seat

For here you will find

Acceptance

A safe harbour

A space to be

Seen and loved and known

Blinkers

Saint or sinner

Which is which

Do we count the cost for those who tried to live

Within a system that crushed something so deep within them

That struggled to give birth and form

In barren soil

There are things I dare not say

Because it would evoke controversy

But lately I find it so hard to judge

The wrongs and rights of things

And you tell me it takes great strength

To live the liminal in between

With paradox

In this mixed up human world

Where so often black and white

Is the order of the day

And so you swing and twist and turn

And hold onto the thought of the soul’s innocence

So often corrupted

Maligned and misunderstood

Twisted to darker ends by circumstance

Misjudged

By those who only wish to keep

Their blinkers in place

Strange poetry

You had a strange kind of poetry Locked up so tightly within you From the bracing you had to wear In order to stick to their rules Nuns in dark habits Put the fear of God into you And it took years to know The diet of fear These souls were raised upon Terrorising your sister Pushing her down stairs Wrapping the knuckles of the other one As she played piano Telling her Dean Martin’s music  “Was the devil’s music.”  She rebelled But you learned It was better to watch And remain silent And duck and weave as best you could Doing everything you could to “Be Good”

Coming home to an empty house Where latch key hug On rusted nail To a empty void You tried your best to fill with Elton John and Popcorn and Pancakes you made yourself Making sure to clean the mess Before mother came Bernie’s lyrics were like air to you They helped you to breathe In that a huge empty house filled with sunlight Where later everything broke apart in the first room Near the louvre door leading to the long corridor Your sister tried to take her life In 1982 And you struggled to understand How love could lead to this A woman’s body twisted with illness and grief In a wheelchair With only a battered brown suitcase to call her own

When in your mind you see this image now Supertramp plays “history recalls how great the fall can be.. while everyone was sleeping the boat sent out to sea” with the image of her third sons face watching in confusion from behind a curtain as their father sent her away telling him Your mother didn’t want you

Well now it seems to me that all of this pain is the birthplace of poetry and even though this stream of consciousness does not rhyme You know how long it has been that these images haunted your mind And the silent suffering they brought became a desire not to live for a long long time and most certainly to never again see you sis so cruelly abandoned And if for a time your life was the willing sacrifice Is it right now to blame circumstances you made your bed and lay in it and twisted and turned and in the end it all gave birth to poetry As you worked to unlock the door of the past and turn all this pain into some kind of art

To live in this world? : The very best of me

To live in this world?

Big question is

Do I want to answer

For a long time not

To live in this man made world

That seemed to be so divorced from soul

It seemed to be geared to values

I did not share

Finding a way through it all seemed difficult at best

Precarious and dangerous at worst

And so it seemed I would rather have been in a place

Where I could just walk by the ocean

And feel the silence and stillness

And listen to my dreams

Without so many other voices

And so much busyness

Impinging upon me

And so when my marriage ended that is where I went

Thinking there was something wrong with me

But sensing deeper that what was wrong with me

Was actually right

Was the best part of me

That never go to live in this society

Truth was I had a journey

It was an inward feminine soul journey

Not an outward Masculine heroic one

No I didn’t want to be one of those feminists

Being angry

And looking like men

Trying to compete in a masculine world

Driven by masculine values

Leaving a young baby at home with a nanny

While I ‘achieved’ or ‘succeeded’

In that world

It seemed

Depth and feeling and intelligence

Was seen as a sign of madness

If it led through chaos and decay

The very things our goal oriented society

With its focus on getting it right and appearance

And the negation of nature

Seemed to value

So that now

If I feel myself set apart

And recognise that all along I heard a different music

And danced to the beat of a different drum

Then must perhaps I am beginning to understand

There was nothing actually wrong with me all along

What society and others considered wrong with me

Was actually right with me

Contained the very best of me.

Breathe again

I will stop loving you

When the sun stops shining in the sky

That means at least 4 billion years honey

Because you are wonderful like a dream

You are gentle like an evening sky

You’re the most precious person in the world to me.  

I cannot live a moment without you

You’re always on my mind. 

When darkness comes

I want you by my side

I wanna hold you tight

And kiss you gently

And breathe again.